The letter I wish I could write my boyfriend.


Dear _____,
Here lately, I feel like you don't want to be with me. You make me make every single decision, so if something goes wrong, you blame it on me. You talk to other girls all the time, and it's not just small talk. You flirt with other girls all the time. You tell other girls that you love them. You wouldn't tell me who you cheated on, and the condoms randomly disappear like it's nobody's business, and I know you just can't be giving them to your friends. You get so defensive whenever I blame you for cheating, whenever if you really weren't cheating, you wouldn't get so defensive. You talk to your ex girlfriend, who you swore on everything that you wouldn't talk to again, yet you're writing her letters at basic right now, and probably called her before you got your phone taken away, because you sure didn't call me. I want to be with you. But I want to be 1,000,000,000,000% sure that you want to be with me, because it's not worth staying with me if you're going to continue to talk to girls the ways that you do. Especially your ex girlfriends. 


-.


But you know why I'm afraid to write the letter? Because I KNOW he'll dump me. He'll see all the shit, get pissed that I blamed him for cheating, and then be mean and tell me our relationship isn't worth it. Like he always does...

In all complete honesty, people are pissing me off here lately. My so-called 'boyfriend' hasn't been to ONE event that I have been in, and I'm in a lot of them. He doesn't even try, because it's like he doesn't even give a care. He doesn't care to see me, and he thinks all decisions are 'up to me.' Where we eat, what we do, what I say. I'm sick and tired of it. I don't know what he wants, and after prom night with him grinding his dick in some other girl, I'm pretty positive what he wants: isn't me.

This got me thinking that how is anyone supposed to trust anyone. The guys that seem the most trustworthy are the guys that really aren't, and I've learned that from complete personal experience. I've been "the other girl" in situations. I feel so bad about it now, but I have been. I've also been in the shoes where there's been another girl. I felt so shitty afterwards whenever he told me that, even whenever it happened almost two years ago...

You think that you can trust a person, because they seem like not a shady person. Discovering the shit with the Geek Squad guy made me realize that every single guy is just after some ass. Even though people are too afraid to admit it, some girls are just in it for some dick, too. And usually those guys are the "ohai, I dun uze condumz" guys. |:.

First of all, I would like for it to be stated that I have a "boyfriend." Sure, he dumped me for a week and did absolutely nothing to make me think that he enjoyed spending time with me whenever all he did was have sex with me. That made me so eerie as to what he did that week, especially whenever he grinded all up on some other girl at prom. It wasn't careless grinding by any means, it was some hardcore shit. That made me feel utterly upset. Especially since he acted like he wanted to be there with that girl more than he did with me, because he stayed by her the entire time. Many people are like "you deserve better." I always try to tell myself that. Then whenever I'm with him by myself, I just feel like I sort of belong, or something like that. It sounds shitty as fuck, I know, but it happens.

I went to Best Buy on Friday night after he had treated my friend and I like shit. Literally to the point that my friend walked out of where we were and told me she wanted me to leave because she "did not want to be treated like that." I felt like complete ass, and went to get my computer from Geek Squad. Normally it's the same person every single time, who has a girlfriend that I know. I'm okay with him, but sometimes he acts like I'm a complete dumbass. This time there was some cute guy that I had gotten so lucky as to get. He was blonde with these piercing blue eyes that you could PROBABLY see from across the store. Whenever I had asked for my computer, he replied with "OH, I JUST CALLED YOUR HOUSE. Normally we don't give people their computers without the papers, but I know it's you." And proceeds to open up my computer and have a conversation with me about how fucked up my computer is and the ~problemz it has. I started laughing whenever he asked me why I had an apple sticker on it. (I will forever be known for that by him, I swear) And our flirting went from there. He wrote on my recommendations to not spill anything on it, or throw it, and put his name at the bottom.

My friend thought it would be a GREAT idea to use her iPhone's tethering to my newly-fixed laptop and search for this guy whom we had just met while I continued my adventure to Taco Bell. While still logged into MY Facebook, she adds him. Later, while at a party, I checked my Facebook and noticed that I had a message. The message said "Pretty girl with the Apple sticker?" And immediately, I knew that something was up, and something had obviously happened right in that situation. We continued messaging as often as I got on as he was still at work, and eventually he asked for my number. Of course, I mindlessly gave it to him and we continued average cute conversation as normal people would. Until eventually it got to the point where TEXTING turned into SEXTING.

Of course, I know the rules for sexting. Sexting is legal as long as both parties are over the age of 18. I am 18, almost 19, and he is 21. This could be a good thing, or a bad thing. I felt so terrible sexting him in the beginning. Like i was such a sinner and it was something that I shouldn't be doing. Especially whenever he would mention her, and about how he wanted to 'fuck' me.

Today, the worst of all things could happen. The thing that was wrong with my computer in the first place, happened once again. I texted him, asking him how I could fix it, and he simply just replied with "come in, and it'll take about five minutes. I'll show you how to do it."

I had a doctors appointment out of town, and whenever I told my mom I had to go back there, she was totally okay with it. I get there and, almost immediately, I look across the store to see his cute face. He's the kind of cute that's irresistable. His smiles so damn cute. It must have been something that they knew I was there, or something, because the lady didn't question me whenever I came in with my computer, while they usually put stickers on them and freak out as to where you take them in the store. He took me to a different part of the counter, and started to peel off my sticker playfully, while smiling at me talking about how long of a day it was. It was mindful, cute, flirting. Because this time, it was intentional. DEFINITELY. Except some guy that decided to come over and be a party pooper. He tried.. Hard.

At the end of him teaching me how to stop my terrible problem he ended with "so now you don't have to come see me...unless you want to." I smiled, and my mom turned to me whenever we went into the parking lot and was like "he's cute." no shit.

He keeps asking me to do stuff with him. But I know deep down I'll probably fuck him. And it'll be a terrible situation. because he has a girlfriend... dumdumdummm.

FML.